This argument, seen over and over again during the lead up to the last election, seems to suggest that the most important factor in a marriage, the one absolute condition that defines the whole practice, is that your mate be of the opposite sex. That degree of legalism is asinine.

Do straights ever contemplate marriage as a bonding with the person you love most outside your own family, a lifelong commitment to your best friend, a pairing based on affection? Of course they do, yet they insist on not sharing those conditions with anyone whose choice of partner is the same sex they are.

Every argument I’ve read against same-sex marriage is legalistic, devoid of any compassion, empathy or humanism. When definitions and words mean more than other human beings we’re headed down a dangerous path. It’s the old argument between the “spirit” of the law and the “letter” of the law.

Those who believe that this definition was established by or created in accordance with the wishes of some deity will also assume their position to be unassailable. Who can argue with god?

I don’t grant divinity to that concept of marriage when it limits instead of frees, when it excludes instead of includes. To me it’s as outdated, as an accepted definition, as the word “citizen” referring only to white male property owners. In this country, the men who were writing the Constitution were the same guys who got to decide on the definition of citizen. Societies have redefined the concept of citizen many times. Marriage, citizen; they’re not static terms, not divinely inspired terms. They are words that mean different things in different times. Definitions “evolve” along with our society.

Within my lifetime the concept of equal human being has undergone two major revisions. White men have long held a superior position in our society. It was traditional, it was the way the Christian god supposedly preferred it. Then rather suddenly women and Blacks became social equals with the white man. This had never happened with the Chinese, Japanese, Mexicans or native Indians. The white men gave them limited rights but never granted them equality. The white men didn’t hesitate to exploit minorities since they considered them less than equal. They were property like the wife and the maid. Thus far only Blacks and women have nearly completely escaped that limitation.

I have no reason to suppose that a redefinition of the word marriage will threaten society, devalue the already devalued straight Christian definition of marriage or bring on the apocalypse. They can keep right on believing that it means what they think it does and the rest of us can live according to our own beliefs.

From the San Francisco Chronicle:

Voters in 54 of San Francisco’s 580 precincts supported the ban, with a high of 65 percent of voters favoring it in parts of Chinatown and downtown. More than half of voters in large swaths of Bayview-Hunters Point, Visitacion Valley, the Excelsior and areas around Lake Merced also voted to ban same-sex marriage.

Neighborhoods including the Marina, Laurel Heights and Mission Bay – which almost always vote more conservatively than neighborhoods such as Bayview and Chinatown – voted overwhelmingly against Prop. 8.

“With the racial and religious overprint that we’re seeing, the standard San Francisco politics get thrown out the window on this one,” said political consultant David Latterman, who further crunched the precinct-by-precinct voting results that The Chronicle obtained this week from the Department of Elections.

“This issue is very separate from what we usually think of as liberal and conservative,” he said.

Latterman said the issue played out in San Francisco the same way it plays out everywhere else: Race, age and education were big influences in one’s vote on Prop. 8. Latterman did not factor in religion, but exit polls throughout California showed a strong church affiliation correlated with a vote in favor of the ban among all racial groups.

Voters ages 18 to 29 were overwhelmingly against the measure, while those older 60 were overwhelmingly for it. And those with only a high school education mostly voted for the measure, while those who graduated from college were largely against it.

In Visitacion Valley, where more than half of voters supported Prop. 8, many residents told The Chronicle they voted that way for one of two reasons: their religious beliefs or fear that children would learn about gay marriage in school, which was played up in Yes on 8 television commercials. Some in the neighborhood wrongly believed it was written into the measure.

Note that last paragraph. Most voters made up their minds on Prop. 8 based on misinformation spread by the proponents of the proposition.

This is the challenge to the gay community and those who support equal rights for all citizens. We have to educate those who relied on untruths as their reason for voting in favor of Prop. 8. Decisions based on lies should not be used to deny rights to lawful citizens.

It’s the height of irony that so many Blacks allied themselves with an institution (the Mormon church) that as recently as the 60s didn’t even consider them to be true human beings. Other minority members need to be shown that their ability to vote on this issue wouldn’t have been possible had not America ignored the bigots and religious leaders and given voting rights to them.

Californians and Americans will eventually realize this isn’t an issue of redefining a word, we do that all the time. Nor is it a demand that everyone accept homosexuality as “normal”. It’s a purely civil rights issue, and limiting the rights of any minority in this country is unacceptable.

I keep running across news stories and commentaries (like this one) that mention the outpouring of hatred from gays and their friends over the passage of Prop. 8 in California.

I hear about those opposed to 8 vandalizing churches and assaulting proponents of the proposition, though I have yet to see any corroboration of these claims. Since these stories originate from the Christians, who perpetually perceive the slightest disagreement as persecution, I’m skeptical. But a lie repeated frequently enough will become indistinguishable from truth. I’ve also read about gays making racist remarks to Blacks over their support for 8, again unsupported with cited cases or specifics.

Whether or not these activities are actually happening, we need to take a firm and consistent stand against expressions of hate no matter their source or motivation. Hatred is not a healthy emotion nor is it an effective way to impress others with the validity of your beliefs. It’s letting the emotions overrule common sense and human decency.

If we want to counter the hatred and intolerance shown by those who chose to vote yes on 8, the least effective and most unconvincing way to do that is to threaten to or condone threats to vandalize their property, assault believers or commit any other act that’s out of proportion and contrary to the intent of those of us who support equal rights.

We are disappointed that so many Blacks decided to vote their religious beliefs rather than their social conscience. I have met very few in the gay community who dismiss the concerns of other minorities. We owe a huge debt of gratitude to the women and Blacks who fought for their rights against huge odds and prevailed. Both groups are minorities to this day, yet look how far they’ve come in taking advantage of equality.

Now gays are asking for the same legal recognition other minority groups enjoy and the request is denied. Not just denied but effectively made illegal. Society has decided being a homosexual is not a crime, only another expression of humanity, like being female, Black or handicapped. Society has made illegal discriminating against people in those groups based solely on their minority status. Yet society isn’t ready to yet grant the same protection to members of the homosexual minority. They are willing to tell a group of people that a particular expression of their humanity, though legal for any other pair of consenting adults, is illegal for them. If anyone ever asks me for evidence that religion is an oppressive mindset, this debate would qualify.

Anti-social behavior on the part of gays will only prove to be self-defeating and a disservice to the gay community. We needn’t reinforce the religious bias against gays. If we’re demanding equal rights, we ought be determined to argue and reason our way to success. We are civil people. Let’s not forget our civility in the face of incivility.

We want to change their minds. Being physically offensive only closes their minds to any further input, reasonable or not. Let’s commit ourselves to only offending them philosophically and legally by continuing to peacefully protest, speak out, blog and join together in solidarity. We need to educate and enlighten, not threaten and assault. Leave that shit to the KKK and White Supremists, both fine Christian organizations.

Vjack reminds us:

Protests over California’s Proposition 8 (banning same-sex marriage) are scheduled in every state today. Growing numbers of Americans are fed up with intolerance and are speaking out against it.

Attend a protest, speak to your friends and family, blog and write about it.