Get God in 2009
Today’s the day to Get Religion! The more hungover and nearly incoherent you are this morning, the more sense religion will make. That way, no matter how bad 2009 becomes, no matter if the Middle East erupts into nuclear war, no matter if America suffers a depression sever enough to steal the title “Great” from the depression of 1929, no matter if the governments of England and America undermine human rights through unwarranted eavesdropping and the deployment of troops on their own soil, the matter if the world descends into anarchy, chaos and unprecedented holy war between Christians, Jews and Muslims, none of that will affect you because you’ll have your own personal relationship with the guy responsible for all that…according to your new beliefs.
And theists, go ahead and do your usual “I’m offended” routine. It’s so much easier and garners so much more sympathy to feign offense than it is to actually counter, with reason and substantiation, the exposure of your beliefs for what they are.