Gay Marriage Opponents Now Want Legal Definition of Christmas

From the “Don’t Give Them Ideas” file:

Opponents of gay marriage who believe marriage should only apply to heterosexuals now wish to restrict access to another sacred institution: Christmas.

“Much like traditional marriage, the traditions of Christmas have been under assault for many years now,” says Brent Slabroller, leader of The Defense of Traditions Coalition. “In order to preserve those traditions, we’re calling for a constitutional amendment that defines Christmas as only for Christians.”

For years non-Christians have adopted the Christmas holiday as though it were their own. They decorate trees, exchange gifts, take paid time off from work — but none of them pay any tribute to Jesus Christ. Some of them don’t even go to church. Even more shocking, some of them are gay.

“Let’s be honest: these non-Christians don’t give a hoot about the true meaning of Christmas,” says Slabroller. “They just want to exploit it for the fringe benefits.”

“We’re not saying non-Christians can’t have a celebration of their own,” said Slabroller. “We’re just saying don’t call it Christmas. Call it ‘Pagan Day’. Call it ‘Gee-I-Wish-I-Could-Celebrate-Christmas-But-Instead-I’m-A-Godless-Heathen’ Day. Instead of singing carols, you can go door-to-door reading Charles Darwin to each other. Or the Qur’an or Harry Potter or whatever else non-Christians like to read. I wouldn’t know.” (ryangarns.com)

This entry was posted on Sunday, October 26th, 2008 and is filed under Humor/Satire. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response or Trackback from your own site.