A discussion of the relative merits of intelligent design (conclusion: there are none) got me to thinking…

The i/d crowd want us to believe that there exists (somewhere, they can’t/won’t say where) a supreme designer, and that all of nature exhibits clear and convincing evidence of having been designed. All of nature was created by this designer (how else to impart design on creation), making the designer the creator. Let’s not forget this creative concept is supported by an unusually large number of Protestant Christian ministers and believers. But in the interest of honesty and to show they can be unbiased they refuse to name this creator/designer.

I will.  It’s the judeo-christian god.  Surprise!  Should I have posted a “spoiler alert”?

So basically i/d calls god a designer.  What else might this lead us to conclude about his character.

We know he’s a designer, so let’s take a look at his work and see what we can find. What do the elements of his design reveal?

That he’s gay.

First of all, he’s a designer. Hello?

He designed disco into existence. That may be a step down from the old days when he would level entire civilizations just because they didn’t friend him back in their social network, but it’s still a blight on humanity from which rich, urban yuppie-puppies are only now able to appreciate.  There’s only one reason god would have created disco.  Remember, he also created glow sticks, lube and amyl.

This unnamed creator <wink, wink, nudge, nudge> designed animals with vestigial organs.  He designed a planet that rebuilds itself every few eons and at some point will wipe out this “ultimate” creation of his perhaps without a trace.  He built humans with their organs for pleasure combined with their organs for the expulsion of waste.  No one could exhibit such wit, such whimsy, such an over-the-top disdain for the conventions of style as a flaming queer.

He designed humans without gills on a planet the majority of which is covered with water.  But he designed fish, certainly he had the skills needed to design human gills.  It was precisely because he’d given fish gills, then eels and salamanders and sharks and so on that he wanted to break the mold, to look in a new direction.  No feathers for humans, no scales, no gills.  No fur but a dash of hair here, there and oh, especially there.  It’s so daring, so against the trend; you’re going to try to tell me a straight designer could do that?

God invented musicals.

God refused to have sex with his son’s mother.  The source material isn’t specific about the method used but most scholars agree we can rule out the possibility that god actually lodged his divine appendage in the soon-to-be-temporary home of Jesus.

God’s biggest adversary is the devil, another guy.  All the cool archangels were guys.  God plays a harp.

And can I get a hearty amen from all you on the religious right when I claim with no substantiation that a gay father will no doubt produce gay sons.  It’s not like straight couples produce gay boys, do they?  Queer daddies = queer sons.  That explains those 12 apostles, the hookers, the whole thing with his kid.

God, the great designer, is the fruitiest of all, the honorary king of every pride parade.

* Religion is so transparent. It’s stories people made up to explain things they didn’t understand. It’s mythology born of ignorance and perpetrated by those who exploit the gullibility of the masses. No religion has ever been invented that doesn’t reflect the values and hopes of the society from which it was spawned. Gods are just ourselves writ large.

* Most religious people have replaced their concept of god with their holy book. Like all of us, theists are uncomfortable believing in stories that in any other context would be considered bat-shit crazy. We all grow out of our belief in Santa. Religion is the Santa myth for adults. The Bible is a physical thing. We can all agree it’s real. Not that it relates reality, but the book exists in the physical universe. If there were no Bible how would Christians validate their beliefs? So subtly they haven’t even noticed, theists have taken their holy books as their gods. It is the source of their faith, their hope, their guidance. They won’t admit it, but as long as they have their Bibles and Korans and Torahs, they really don’t need to think about their gods.

* No heterosexual I’ve talked to, challenged or debated has been able to explain how gay marriage will impact straight marriage. Not a one. Truth is, it won’t. There isn’t a single coherent reason to think that gay marriage will have any effect on anyone else’s marriage. People who try to justify denying equal rights to any citizen of this country are bigots, period.

* There are atheists in foxholes.

* Atheists cannot and do not try to prove there is no god.

* Atheists can be as moral as any theist.

* There is no good reason to exempt religion from criticism, skepticism and public denunciation.

* The god of the Old Testament, the guy who supposedly killed hundreds of innocent women and children just to make a point, who demanded blood sacrifice, who encouraged his people to rape and pillage is the same god of the New Testament.

* For god so loved the world that he couldn’t be bothered to do anything for them himself; he told his kid to go and make everything he’d screwed up right again.

* Jesus came to change the hearts of those who heard him and believed. Two thousand years later not much has changed about human nature. But world wars have been fought over who has the most powerful invisible friend.

* No sane, well educated person can believe in the literal truth of a holy book.

* Many sane, well educated people believe in gods. Which just goes to show intelligence can have its limitations.

* Believing you have an invisible friend who loves you and wants the best for you but will send you to eternal torment for simply thinking for yourself is nonsensical. Plainly put, religious belief is stupid. Thinking that humans aren’t mammals, that we are some sort of unique creature, is stupid. Thinking that some super being created the world in seven days is stupid.

* Teaching children too young to have developed critical thinking skills that gods are real is child abuse.

* All the evidence we have to date suggests that life is a fluke, a one-time coincidence of millions of factors working in conjunction to produce something unique in the universe. There is no ultimate purpose, no meaning, no plan. All of humanity will evolve, live and become extinct without the rest of the universe having noticed at all. Do those thoughts intimidate you? Then you should invent a story about a superhuman who’s in control of everything, so that whether or not you understand reality you can feel better about the fact you (and I and everyone else who has ever lived) are inconsequential to the universe. If you allow fantasy to overtake your mind reality can’t scare you anymore.

* To steal and expand on a thought from one of my idols, George Carlin; we shouldn’t be blaming politicians, lawyers and ministers/priests/the Pope for our social ills. They aren’t to blame. They’re simply the shysters who moved in and took advantage of a situation we created.
** We’re to blame for crappy politicians. We elected them. We gave the crooks keys to the vault of power. We refuse to remove them when they betray our trust, when they fail to do the job we entrusted to them.
** If we weren’t so quick to sue anybody and everybody who offends us in the slightest, lawyering would be a far less popular profession. We keep throwing chum into the water and acting surprised when the sharks start to circle the boat. Even the Muslims want to sue anyone who blasphemes their religion. If that’s not the height of stupidity I’m not sure what qualifies. Settle differences like adults, with reason, empathy and compassion. Lawyers who are truly adept at playing the system we created become candidates, then politicians. Or lobbyists. Same thing. We weren’t vigilant. We let them get away with amassing power and position, then we finally notice and whine they have ruined everything. Bullshit. We were lazy and we got burned. No one to blame but ourselves.
** Someday (I can only hope) mankind will have moved on from their psychological need for gods, and thousands of people who have made a lifestle, occasionally lavish, of other people’s gullibility will be out of a job. Seldom do theists question the faith of those who lead them. They take them at their word that they believe as strongly as their followers. Sometimes subconsciously, theists confer sanctity upon their leaders. Which explains their disbelief when their minister is arrested for rape, sodomy and public solicitation charges. “The devil must have overcome Rev. Bob. He would never do that otherwise.” Yes, he would. Queers act like queers. If they’re still in the closet, they act queer whenever they get the chance. I’ve had married lovers. Some of them were clergy. I’ve also had a few girlfriends who were ministers daughters. I don’t remember any of them as particularly shy. It’s time for theists to be honest with themselves and admit that their leaders are not above reproach. And for your god’s sake, get rid of the ones who harm those who look to them with trust. When you catch the shepherd fucking the sheep, you replace the shepherd. You should apologize to the sheep, but that rarely happens. Monetary awards under force of law, yes. Apology, remorse, admission of guilt, assumption of responsibility, nope.

* If any of the above pisses you off, makes you think, makes you want to fire off a passionate reply…please do. I only censor spam. You want to condemn me to hell, do your best. I don’t suffer fools. If you have something to say, show us all the courtesy of replying with substance. This is the blog where I let loose of all my normal restraints. I am under no obligation to be respectful of your beliefs, it’s no guarantee I’ll agree with you just because you, too, are a heathen, queer, left-handed or fascinated with classical music. I am an equal opportunity grump, skeptic and I’m getting old. That means lots of life experience. I am not consistent. I have no interest in being easily categorized. One thing about getting older; I’ve encountered a lot of bullshit in my time.

I’ll try to be fair, but I don’t promise to be kind.

Bush Tours America To Survey Damage Caused By His Disastrous Presidency

OK, this is satire, but only barely.

Sadly Bush seems to have no appreciation for the havoc his administration has wrought on this country he claims to care so much about. He is as ignorant of the effects of his presidency as he is of most other topics.

One of the most difficult tasks the next president will have to accomplish is the undoing of all the damage Bush and his crew have have inflicted upon our nation. Fixing the economy, repairing our image among other nations on the planet, reestablishing our country as a nation founded on freedom and human rights; all of these issues are a direct result of the moronic decisions of the Bush government. If Bush is remembered as anything more than simply the worst president America has ever produced we will have evidence that history does not always reflect reality.