Is god queer?
A discussion of the relative merits of intelligent design (conclusion: there are none) got me to thinking…
The i/d crowd want us to believe that there exists (somewhere, they can’t/won’t say where) a supreme designer, and that all of nature exhibits clear and convincing evidence of having been designed. All of nature was created by this designer (how else to impart design on creation), making the designer the creator. Let’s not forget this creative concept is supported by an unusually large number of Protestant Christian ministers and believers. But in the interest of honesty and to show they can be unbiased they refuse to name this creator/designer.
I will. It’s the judeo-christian god. Surprise! Should I have posted a “spoiler alert”?
So basically i/d calls god a designer. What else might this lead us to conclude about his character.
We know he’s a designer, so let’s take a look at his work and see what we can find. What do the elements of his design reveal?
That he’s gay.
First of all, he’s a designer. Hello?
He designed disco into existence. That may be a step down from the old days when he would level entire civilizations just because they didn’t friend him back in their social network, but it’s still a blight on humanity from which rich, urban yuppie-puppies are only now able to appreciate. There’s only one reason god would have created disco. Remember, he also created glow sticks, lube and amyl.
This unnamed creator <wink, wink, nudge, nudge> designed animals with vestigial organs. He designed a planet that rebuilds itself every few eons and at some point will wipe out this “ultimate” creation of his perhaps without a trace. He built humans with their organs for pleasure combined with their organs for the expulsion of waste. No one could exhibit such wit, such whimsy, such an over-the-top disdain for the conventions of style as a flaming queer.
He designed humans without gills on a planet the majority of which is covered with water. But he designed fish, certainly he had the skills needed to design human gills. It was precisely because he’d given fish gills, then eels and salamanders and sharks and so on that he wanted to break the mold, to look in a new direction. No feathers for humans, no scales, no gills. No fur but a dash of hair here, there and oh, especially there. It’s so daring, so against the trend; you’re going to try to tell me a straight designer could do that?
God invented musicals.
God refused to have sex with his son’s mother. The source material isn’t specific about the method used but most scholars agree we can rule out the possibility that god actually lodged his divine appendage in the soon-to-be-temporary home of Jesus.
God’s biggest adversary is the devil, another guy. All the cool archangels were guys. God plays a harp.
And can I get a hearty amen from all you on the religious right when I claim with no substantiation that a gay father will no doubt produce gay sons. It’s not like straight couples produce gay boys, do they? Queer daddies = queer sons. That explains those 12 apostles, the hookers, the whole thing with his kid.
God, the great designer, is the fruitiest of all, the honorary king of every pride parade.